Just in case anyone wonders why I’ve stopped posting regularly – perhaps the last time I did so was two weeks ago -, it is because I am feeling absolutely horrible at the moment. My great aunt just passed away, my grandpa is on his deathbed and one entire side of the family is basically shunning my mum, dad and me. I really don’t feel like writing at the moment, or studying, so I definitely don’t feel like writing ABOUT any of those things. To make it worse, I’m extremely prone to depression. In fact, I suffered from it for at least three years straight. All I hope is that it’s not going to come back. Now I’m slightly addicted to calming tea… At least that isn’t bad for you.
This might be a terrible idea, but one of my main sources of inspiration is boredom. To be honest, I do not have that much going on in my life. Yes, I will be moving out in two weeks, but for now, I am stuck in my home town where I am supposed to study for my exams. I definitely study for them, but that does not take that much time. In fact, I have way too much freedom at the moment. While it is amazing not to have to show up at university for days, it also can get quite tedious when you are all on your own. Coupled with depression, it makes for long-winded days. No parties, no hanging out – everyone is studying back in our university city (well, it is only 15 minutes away, but they are too busy). Still, this boredom works as an amazing source of inspiration for me. Looking at pictures at the Internet is not all that interesting anymore after a week. By then, I want to actually do something. Being bored is what gets my mind racing. It makes me dream of the most horrifying tales I could ever come up with. While my life seems a little empty right now, my mind itself is full of life. Maybe it’s because of my studies, but I am starting to doubt that; translation philosophers are not the most interesting people when you try to write stories on aliens, vampires and urban legends. I love urban legends, let that be clear. Today, I spent most of my time looking up shadow people and black eyed kids, just because I could. My boredom is forcing me to spend my time doing things, whether it is external or internal research. The gears are turning. I am ready for anything.